This Cancer is a blessing

To date I've done a great job of letting you all know how much we hate this cancer. I have to apologize becuase it wasn't until Tuesday that I realized that this cancer is actually a blesssing.

Some of you may be saying "Jeff how can you even say that." Well let me tell you why.

Cheated:
First, when this began I felt cheated. There are so many things that I wanted to do with Dad...I'm sure many of you felt the same way and now I won't. But it wasn't until a mentor helped me understand that seldom, very very seldom, do people ever get a chance like this. To hear Dad realize his situation and then pass on his guidance, his final lessons, his memories, to hand over the torch, and to be able to be witness to all of this is nothing short of a once in a lifetime opportunity. Many deaths occur quickly, suddenly, with no chance to do these things. Now think about this...since Dad has had cancer, how many good thoughts have you had of him...how many instances have you remembered that special time, how many times have tears of joy come to your eyes as you remember those times, and then have them turn to tears of grief. Wow! what emotions, what an experience. So I'm missing out on what "I" wanted, what "I" expected, and what "I" thought "I" needed, but have now realized that God knew better and instead of giving me what "I" wanted, he has given me what "he" wanted and what "he knew" I needed. Simply Amazing...Cheated you say...no...not cheated...blessed!

Our Faith
I've been able to witness something great in Dad and that is the growth of his faith in Jesus and his understanding of where he is going. To see him change from questioning if he's going there to knowing he's going there...to have him ask me the questions about what the bible says about death, to see his soul start to be joyful about the next step. I read a book given to me that had a fantastic metaphor for this...imagine you are back in the days of the American Colonies. On one side of the ocean in England there's a group of family members who are saying goodbye to a person. As they say goodbye they cry, the are sad to see them go, as the ship sails away towards the horizon the cry out for them to come back, only to realize they don't have the ability to stop the ship once it as left port. They realize quitely that they have said goodbye for the last time and then the ship is over the horizon and the person they loved is gone, out of their sight. But there's another group of people that the other family members will never see...it's the American Colonies, excited, rejoicing to see that ship coming over the horizon. They have been waiting patientl to see it coming. Years they have waited. And then one day, they see the tip of the mast, the watchmen calls out and lets the town know that the ship is in site. The town gathers as the ship gets closer. The docks are overwhelmed with people excited to see who is on board. The town is a buzz as they prepare a feast to celebrate the new comers arrival. The ship docks and the passengers grief of missing their family back home is replaced by the excitement of what lies ahead. Of seeing the new faces, of seeing the old faces of those that have arrived earlier then they. What an experience we are witnessing folks...and this, this metaphor is what our faith in Christ is all about. I have no doubt that God is in heaven right now crying, scratch that, he's not in heaven, he's in the hospital room as I witness Dad falling asleep to a harp player, he's here, crying, loving, watching over him, ensuring that Dad has everything he needs to be taken care of as he's shown his way to his ship. Amazing...freakin awesome! Our faith is awesome and you can feel it...tangibly, like a pulse going through your body. Amazing

Dad's baptism and then cancer:
it wasn't until yesterday that I realized that Dads cancer began almost immediately after he was baptized (if you do the math). Pretty interesting if you think about it. The words of Paul came to my mind when I realized that Dad has run his race. He has completed all the things that he needed to complete and for that God has awarded him with a beautiful trip to Heaven. The Highway to Heaven you might say. I can see God telling Dad...Jim, you've done great all of your life, you are amazing, I was just waiting for you to come back to me so that I could bring you home. And now, now that you finally allowed me to come into your life, I'm overwhelmed with happiness and I want to give you a gift...I want to have you come home early. Some might think that being a Christian is easy, and that this kind of stuff isn't supposed to happen to us. Dad knew the risk (i know he did because I told him that the reason I believe Jesus is he right way is because becoming a believer doesn't make your life easier, it makes it better, it's a hard road. I also told him that you can expect to be attacked by the enemy as soon as you accept Christ as your savior) and he still decided to accept Christ. In Dad's own words "I couldn't imagine doing this without Christ here with me." Amazing!

the way that this will happen will let him pass away in his sleep:
the nurses for hospice have helped many, many people go through this situation and they have it down to almost a science. they described to us the methods by which Dad's passing will occur and quite simply Dad is going to get something that many of us have hoped for...to die in our sleep. Dad's body will slowly start to shut down as the cancer takes over. he'll get more and more tired, until he eventually sleeps most of the day. the drugs provided through Hospice will ensure that dad is in no pain. with Hospice in the house we are provided professionals who will ensure that when Dad does pass that all of his family is there to be with him. So honestly, who wouldn't want to pass away in your sleep, surrounded by the ones you love. Awesome!

He'll be able to say goodbye and we'll all be able to say goodbye:
Now don't get me wrong, that's going to be really hard for us who are left behind to deal with, but how awesome is it that we get to talk to him all the way through, to hear from him, to get it all out, and to see him go and be completely at peace with him. I encourage you all to do this, to talk to him about the things left "unspoken." Now is the time. This is truly a once in a life time event for many of us.

This was on my heart today as I came into the hospital and I felt compelled to share it with the world. I no longer view this as a bad thing, instead, we (the Raymond's) are dedicated to making this one of our lives most beautiful, emotional, life changing experiences that any of us has ever felt, or seen, or heard of. Our faith in Christ is what allows us to see this, to do this, to deal with this. I hope you hear his words coming through to you as I have, becuase I am filled with hope now and that is truly, truly amazing.

Yours in Christ,
Jeff